Who wouldn't steal a handbag?

I spent yesterday watching DVD’s coz I had the worst hangover ever. I spued out stuff I don’t even ever remember eating, like peas, corn, carrots and a piece of sherbet straw. Feeling a bit better today but it’ll be a while before I go near Jim Beam again. A couple of days at least I’m telling ya!

Anyway, last week cousin Darryl gave us a whole stack of burnt movies, mostly porn but a few other ones as well, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Charlotte’s Web, Aliens and some kids movies like Jackass. The thing that I found really confusing is that there is an ad at the beginning of each DVD that goes something like this: a person is snatching a handbag from someone and it goes “you wouldn’t steal a handbag...” Then there’s a person handing a TV out a window to someone waiting outside and it goes “you wouldn’t steal a TV”. On and on the ad goes, about all the stuff you wouldn’t steal. Then the ad goes “movie piracy is a crime”.

First of all, its bullshit coz everyone knows pirates don’t exist anymore except in Pirates of the Caribbean, which I know is fiction coz there’s ghosts and shit in it, so they’ve fucked up on that count. Secondly, what the fuck are they talking about? WHO wouldn’t steal a handbag? WHO wouldn’t steal a TV? WHO wouldn’t steal all sorts of shit that isn’t glued down? Who are these people? Everyone in my family has got to where they are today, which is mostly Penrith, Mt Druitt, Rooty Hill, St Marys and Blacktown, by stealing shit. What do they think Friday break and enters are all about? How the fuck would we have a Sony Bravia telly if it wasn’t stolen? How would I have such a beautiful and varied collection of snow domes from Paris, London and Mt Isa if they weren’t taken off someone’s dresser? How would our family enjoy such a high standard of living, eating nuggets twice a week at least and always having some sort of alcohol and ciggies at the dinner table, if it wasn’t for the involuntary kindness of strangers? Who is the target audience for this ad? Not my fucken family and friends. I wanna find out who made the ad and call them and tell them they fucked up big time and that their ad is shit and ineffective and for some reason, the more DVD’s I watch, the more I wanna go out and steal more shit. Coz I fucken hate people telling me what I can and can’t do.