Two kinds of bitches

Have yooz been wondering where I've been? Well I've got good news and kinda sad news.
Ok, good first. Simone had her litter!! She had 7 pups and they're all looking cute and like miniture killers already, at two days old. I mean not full killers yet coz they haven't opened their eyes and killed nothin yet, but soon they'll be savage like their sweet mum.
When Simone was a pup she already had the killer look in her eye and she attacked people all the time, it was real protective and nice. Gavo put that fightin spirit into her by yellin at her and shit, and having play fights that got savage. When Simone got bigger and one day ripped into his elbow, there was blood pissing out everywhere. We all laughed and laughed for hours coz it was a dickhead thing to do. While he was at the hospital getting 27 stitches in his arm and out of it on morphine he vowed never to fight Simone again, unless he was wearing a full protective suit, which he never got around to buying or stealing.
Simone felt pretty bad after that and was extra nice to Gavo, licking his face and shit. They kinda bonded even more after that. I hope these pups have that same loyal but murderous personality but stay away from toddlers, coz the ones that have chewed up toddlers, like Simone's sister Jezebel, had to be put down.
When Jezebel picked little Tayla off the trampoline and dragged her down to the backyard and starting eating into her thigh like a chicken drumstick, Jezebel had to be chased and held down by three people, who all had to have stitches afterwards. In the end the council put her down. It was really sad. Tayla was alright though, and she does real good in that wheelchair. Her mum gets extra money in her cennelink payment so it worked out alright for everyone except maybe Tayla, if she ever wanted to be an ice skater or an Olympian sprinter or anything requiring the use of her right leg.
But nah, the pups are doin real good - in 8 weeks they'll be ready to go. Well done Simone.

Now to the kinda sad news. Dwayne and Debbie's wedding's off.
I didn't tell yaz about Dwayne and Debbie. Dwayne is Gavo's nephew and Debbie is, or was, his fiance. She's a pretty fancy little up-herself moll. Got herself a real job as a check-out chick at Aldi, all hoity-toity-like, sitting down at the check-out, not standing up, like all the other check-out chicks at Coles and Woolies. Anyway, when Debbie got pregnant, they were real happy. Dwayne was even talking about moving out of their one bedroom flat in Mt Druitt and into a two bedroom flat in Mt Druitt. So then yesterday Debbie goes into labour and gets the bus to Blacktown hospital coz Dwayne was too drunk to drive, and lo and behold she has the baby 4 hours later and it comes out Indian. Turns out someone came to their flat 9 months ago to offer what he said was unbelievable good rates madam on a new Optus internet and phone bundle. The guy was real tired and thirsty so she let him in and gave him a drink of water, and its now apparent she might have given him more than just water. So Debbie's still in hospital but she's been on the phone to Optus all day today, trying to find the name of the guy that tried to sell her the deal. The deal wasn't that good, $99 a month for dial-up and that didn't include unlimited national calls, so she said no in the end. But because she said no, she didn't sign any papers, and the guy didn't either, and they're having trouble tracking down who the guy was. Dwayne's really upset, threatened to bash Debbie's head in, the weddings cancelled and he's made her give back the engagement ring. He was so fuckin mad about everything, he took the ring back already and got his $129 refund from Prouds. Poor Dwayne.

The only other thing I had to tell yaz was about break & enter day today but I'll tell yaz about that tomorrow coz I've gotta look through everything again first.

Anyway, I gotta go, the ShamWow ad is on again and sometimes if I suck on a cream bulb while I watch it, it's even funnier and makes me see a deeper hidden meaning.