Kids ey. Don't have em.

Yooz won’t believe this. I picked up Jaydden from Franklins last night but it was a couple of hours after he called. I was gonna get him earlier but I’d skulled some bourbon and my eyes were too foggy to drive. Don’t get me wrong, I got nothing against drunk driving, in fact, in our family it’s a highly prized skill. But this time I’d gone a bit too far and tried to get in the car and found myself getting into the neighbour’s car again. She usually doesn’t say nothing when I do that, but because I’d forgotten to put undies on again and was really only wearing a fluoro crop-top, she came out with her walking stick and asked that I not take her car this time after all the scratches and the one missing window it got last time I took it. I told her to calm the fuck down and get back inside before I shoved her walking stick up her ass. She did shuffle back in with her arthritis ridden knees but by that time I’d decided I wouldn’t take her car anyway, coz I remembered I couldn’t drive manual too good while blind drunk. In fact I can’t drive manual at all, even when not drunk, that’s why the window got smashed when I reversed into that stupidly placed pole at the court house that time.
Anyway, I went back inside and put my Panthers shorts on and was out the door to get Jaydden but Judge Judy came on. Obviously, I couldn’t go without watching the show coz it was about a lady who’d stolen money from her room-mate through some insurance scam. I like to watch Judge Judy coz its good to see what you can get away with and what you can’t. I wanna go on that show and get famous I reckon but Gavo says that shows from America and it looks real expensive to get there, you might have to take two planes and that’s a lot of Friday break & enters to pay for a ticket like that.
Anyway, after Judge Judy there was a ten minute ad for the ShamWow. I watched that coz it looks real good even though I’ve seen the ad before. Apparently its real absorbent and can mop up all sorts of shit, blood, piss, vomit, whatever. I gotta get me one of those but I saw one at the plaza that was called ShammyWow which looks the same but was only $10, or free if stolen while the man does the demo, so I might get that one.
After the ShamWow ad I remembered I’d left the fish fingers in the oven and they were burnt and looked more like charcoal fingers but I made the kids eat them coz it was either that or Coco Pops for dinner and they’d had that for lunch already. So once that was sorted, I finally got in the car and went and got Jaydden. The little shit was lying down at the front door of Franklins coz it closed hours ago. He was either asleep or had fainted, whatever, but when I shook him awake, I couldn’t see bone or nothing sticking out of his wrist. I reckon it was just a sprain and that little shit is getting a beating for making me come get him so late at night when he could have fucking walked home. It wasn't an ankle sprain. Why the fuck do you need your wrists for walking. Fucking dumb ass that boy is, just like his father. To this very day I don’t know for sure who that is exactly but there’s 30% chance it was Shayne.
So the point is, I rubbed some Savlon into his swollen bruised and slightly bent wrist which definitely did not have any exposed bone sticking out and put him to bed. I’m still pissed off we’re missing break & enter day today but I suppose I’ll have 5 dexies and do a bit of vacuuming coz I haven’t done that for a few months and DOCS are coming over tomorrow.