Drugs are a "sometimes" food.

If youz are reading this thinking drugs are cool coz of what I wrote the other day, I’ll tell yaz something: drugs are not cool at all. It was fun at the time, sure, but my come-down was so shit this time that I almost chewed the inside of my face off. Maddhyson’s was pretty shit too. I suppose you never know how speed affects a five year old but now I know: not so well. Like I said, she cleaned her room up real good and raked the garden up and even cleaned the shed and hydro equipment. She re-organised the bottles of chemicals in the ice lab alphabetically, which is pretty helpful coz it was kinda messy in there. Then she cleaned out the ute, polished our plastic cutlery with Windex and then picked up all the dead cockroaches from under our beds and made a necklace out of them by threading them onto a piece of string. She seemed pretty creative and enthusiastic about everything the whole day but then next few days she had big time burn out. She didn’t wanna eat her nuggets and potato scallops, didn’t wanna eat her jelly snakes, all she wanted to eat was grape Hubba Bubba which she chewed frantically until her jaws ached. She didn’t even wanna wear her cockroach necklace coz she said their legs were too scratchy on her neck.

I learnt several good lessons from this. Firstly, keep an eye on the amount of speed, or any other gear for that matter, that you give small children. Just coz they nag ya for more at the time does not mean that you give in to their demands like some kind of dumbass pushover of a parent. I see that at Franklins all the time, fat little fuckers at the checkouts with snot dripping down their faces, nagging their mum for a Snickers or a Cherry Ripe or a packet of Winnie Menthols and the mums just giving in without a fight or a slap in the face. Fuck that! How are the kids gonna learn that if they want that shit they need to work for it. Steal some car radios or CD’s or coins out of cars, sell some pot at their primary school or at least get a paper round or something. Kids just have no idea of the value of money these days and still haven’t grasped the reality that Cennelink only pays you once every fortnight.

The second thing I learnt is that except the times when your house is really messy and you want a good spring clean, its better to give kids downers rather than uppers. I know when I give Maddhyson a couple of valiums, she’s much quieter, less hyperactive and is much happier about being left home alone when I need to do important stuff, like get my acrylic nails re-done. Usually when I get home she’s in the same spot where I left her, on the couch, playing with the corner of the cushion until her fingers are calloused, sometimes drooling a bit out of the corner of her mouth but usually just relaxing and watching whatever is on the telly, coz she doesn’t have enough energy to change the channel.

And thirdly I learnt that although you try to be the best parent you can be, some fuckers like Bethany from DOCS are still gonna get up your ass about something or other. Bethany, if you’re reading this, Maddhyson’s fine, the rest of the kids are fine, us taking drugs together is a rare thing, and we consider it kinda bonding for the family. So don’t get on your high horse about drugs you fucking hypocrite. I know you’d give your kids cough medicine when they needed it even though everyone knows cough medicine is made from heroin. And I know you’d give your kids coke when they’re thirsty, even though everyone knows coke’s made from cocaine. So just stop telling me how to raise my kids and just SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL YA!!